You’ve probably seen a T-shirt that says something like “I’m a blonde Polack. What’s your excuse?” The fact is that we all have our excuses for being imperfect — but when they’re ours, we see them as valid reasons, not lame excuses.
As we mentor or parent teens, it’s important for us to recognize and address our own failings, instead of excusing them. Not only will such honesty benefit our own lives, but it will go a long way toward helping us connect with and impact the lives of teens. How so? I’m glad you asked.
Being Real
While it might be more comfortable to pretend we’ve got it all together, it’s simply not true. When we try to put up facades, we live in fear of the mask being cracked or otherwise compromised. Instead, God’s Word encourages humble honesty — both before God and others.
Even though a Pharisee-like pretense of perfection may seem like the norm in some church circles, it isn’t what God desires. Romans 3:23 makes it clear that all of us fall short of meeting God’s standards; combined with passages like James 5:16 and Proverbs 28:13, that concept precludes us from pretending to be perfect.
In some church circles, people can even feel pressured to pretend temptations don’t appeal to them, and such pretense can cause unfathomable damage.
Showing Empathy
In addition to living transparently before others, being real about our own sinfulness can also help us show empathy with the teens whose lives God allows us to touch. This is a big reason Christ came as Emmanuel, to live as a human being.
Hebrews 4:15 reminds us that Christ isn’t beyond being able “to sympathize with our weaknesses”; instead, He was “in every respect … tempted as we are, yet without sin.” While some Bible scholars differ in exactly what that assertion means, the basic point is clear: Jesus understands us and truly feels our pain. What a Savior!
Instead of angrily pointing His finger at us sinners, rightfully accusing us, it’s as if Christ is putting his arm around us in solidarity, gently whispering, “I understand. It’s hard, isn’t it?” What a model for our own discipleship and counseling ministries!
Giving Grace
When we’re willing to be real and show empathy, we’re poised to both receive and give grace. That posture is humility. James 4:6 and Hebrews 4:16 are among the passages that directly link humility and grace. If we were perfect, we would not need grace. Since we’re clearly far from where we should be, we need it. But if we don’t admit we need it, we can’t receive it.
The same is true for teens: As they realize and admit their failures and sinfulness, they poise themselves to receive healing and forgiveness. The contrast is also true: when teens excuse and attempt to hide their imperfections, they resist the treatment that they need.
Instead of encouraging others to pretend, we can serve others best by being real, showing empathy, and giving grace.
The options available to today’s teens can be both exciting and overwhelming. Instead of going into a rampage on how thankful they should be and what things were like “when I was your age,” parents, teachers, and other mentor adults do well to help educate teens about what’s really important in life and how to manage the increasingly complex world in which they live. Without learning to leverage the possibilities for their greatest advantage, the resources available at their fingertips may do more harm, than good.
Some Things in Life are Irreplaceable
While teens may get a glimpse of this kind of thinking in language arts classes, they need to know that it applies to more than academic writing. Whether they hear something from a friend, see it on TV or even YouTube, or read it on the Internet, they need to learn to critically evaluate the sources of supposed “information” and compare and contrast their determinations with well-respected sources. They need to learn to understand how our own experiences and predispositions color our own judgments and those of others and to argue well-reasoned ideas clearly and respectfully.
On average, 93% of American teens go online regularly; 
The Parental Response
The issue of 
When you add to this physiological issue current societal trends, careful parenting becomes even more necessary. It seems that every irresponsible or deviant behavior has its own acronym or prognosis these days. Teens can easily shrug off any of their own misbehaviors as disorders, releasing them from personal responsibility. Regardless of whether they can get a doctor’s note, prescription, or juvenile sentencing, they need to understand that their actions can have serious, life-altering repercussions. No diagnosis will bring their victims back to life, and no doctor can remove the guilt they’ll feel if they injure others through their behavior.