Communication

Communication Overload

Last updated on June 10, 2017 by TT Staff Leave a Comment

Many teenagers today are excellent multi-taskers. They listen to music, do homework, and text all at once.

Picture a teenager nestled comfortably on the family couch. The parents have settled in to watch their nightly shows while he does his homework. The teenager has their personal laptop with social networking sites up and their cell phone going off all the time. This young person’s brain is on overload, trying to process the television, parents, homework, text messages, and computer all at once, and as a result, his homework (and thus his education) will likely suffer.

The Multi-tasking Teen

Many researchers believe that multi-tasking is not actually the performance of multiple tasks simultaneously, but rather the illusion that multiple tasks are taking place at the same time. The brain appears to be switching rapidly back and forth from one task to another, and as a result every task is being done at a slower pace than if each task was completed separately. The perceived speed of the tasks comes from jamming so many into one space of time.

Teenagers find this thrilling. The ability to hold several conversations while doing homework, listening to music, and baking cookies is remarkable. Their parents say they do not understand how their children do so many things at once, and the parents claim that they cannot accomplish the same tasks. This appeals to the teen’s competitive nature. Teenagers begin to believe that multi-tasking makes them special, important and productive. Sadly, multi-tasking could be harming their ability to appropriately develop through the teen years.

The Multi-Tasking Brain

The brain does not mature until after twenty-one years of age. Thus, teenagers who multi-task are technically doing so with an under-developed brain. The act of multi-tasking distributes actions throughout the brain and decreases their caliber. A comparable scenario would be if too many light bulbs connected to the same limited electrical supply. All of the bulbs will light up, but they will appear dimmer than if only one or two were receiving all the electricity. Similarly, a teen may complete all of the tasks, but they will do so far less efficiently and probably less aptly than if they’d concentrated on one at a time.

Another drawback occurs after the fact. Recovering information received during a multi-tasking session will be more difficult than recovering information learned while intensely focusing on one particular subject. The young person mentioned at the beginning of this article, for example, will probably not remember his homework or his conversation with his parents very clearly because they happened at the same time with so many other interruptions.

In general, multi-tasking as a whole is probably not detrimental, but multi-tasking during something important (homework, driving, etc.) is definitely not advisable. A teenager of the 21st century is drawn to the fast-paced appeal of multi-tasking, so it may help for parents to set some guidelines. Restrict teens’ access to social networking sites, especially during homework time, and ask them to turn their cell phone off or leave it in another room. Your teen could perform better in school as a result.

What Technology Reveals About Today’s Teens, Part 2

Last updated on June 5, 2017 by TT Staff Leave a Comment

listening to music It’s pretty clear that like generations that have gone before them, today’s teens have a thirst for social interaction. They’re often using gadgets to fulfill that desire, but it’s insatiable (see Part 1). They can become addicted and are sometimes undiscriminating in what they post or text. They need guidance from mature mentors, to be sure. But there’s something they even more desperately need.

Needing God

The goal can’t be to “convert them” to the ways of previous generations or our own preferences, but to be part of their own world and utilize the resources God has given them in a set apart way. In a way that honors Him, leaves room for Him.

There’s something more important underneath all the constant texting and listening to playlists; sometimes misguided Facebook, Instagram, or YouTube posts or comments; and even eye-rolling or outbursts when tech-free time is imposed. Perhaps there’s a silence or loneliness your teen doesn’t want to feel. Questions they don’t want to face.

Only when thumbs are still and music is quiet can we hear God (Psalm 46:10). Only when we set aside all our manmade devices can we see His Creation (Psalm 19:1). And only when we stop to consider His greatness will we be drawn to praise Him (Psalm 77:12).

At that point, we will realize our need to make less of ourselves and more of Him (John 3:30) and even begin to understand devotion like that of John or Paul in the Bible, no less attempt to mimic it ourselves (Philippians. 1:21).

Needing Privacy

On a positive note, research indicates that teens do report various types of purposeful online interactions. Each person’s experience with social networking is different, but most have had positive interactions and grown to feel closer to others through it. However, others have seen negative effects of posts or comments that they’ve made.

Unlike the seeming disconnect between online personas and real-life reputations that the pioneers of online socializing thought was there, many of today’s teens understand that their online behavior counts. As a result, though, many have learned how to hide information from some people, namely Mom and Dad. Some even have separate Facebook accounts for interacting with family versus friends.

When we have meaningful communication with our Lord, we won’t hide. Or need to. We’ll invite God into all corners of our world — online and otherwise — desiring His presence and evaluation (Psalm 139). That might not mean today’s teens want all their social interactions seen by Mom and Dad, just like you didn’t want your diary read, but still.

In the end, even our idyllic memories of shared lemonade on the front porch don’t measure up. When teens understand their deepest need and most gratifying relationship are met in God and Christ, they’ll be different from others in their generation (Romans 12:2). The thing is, so will we.

Effectively Communicating With Your Teen

Last updated on May 31, 2017 by TT Staff Leave a Comment

girl with headphones The first step to having a healthy teenager is having a healthy relationship with your teenager. You, the parent, are their compass to how things work in the world. Several tools are at your disposal such as leading by example, active listening and asking your teen to be involved in decisions that involve them. Show your teen that they are important by saying they are and allowing them to have a voice. Fostering this type of relationship will hopefully bring smoother sailing in the teenage years and healthier relationships down the road.

Leading By Example

From the time children can comprehend the world around them they are watching their parents. They learn language and everyday tasks by imitation alone. Effective communication is no different. A teenager who sees constant arguing and strife between adults will learn accordingly. Showing your teen that talking calmly and working through hard issues with reason will allow them to use those tools. If a situation is becoming explosive, demonstrate self-control by taking a break and revisiting the conversation later. Teaching anger coping techniques to your teen is as easy as using them in your daily life. Explain to your teen later on what the purpose was behind your actions to give them some context as well.

Initiate conversations in a non-confrontational way with other adults and with your children. Refrain from cursing, crude jokes or sarcasm, and your child will as well. Open honest communication starts with you.

Active Listening

After initiating a conversation with your teen, listen to them. You may have an idea of how this conversation should go but that will get side tracked. Your teen is finally talking to you! Acknowledge their ideas and give them your full attention. Taking time out of the fuss and muss of everyday life is challenging, but this is your child. They actually want you to hear what they have to say.

While you are listening, look for ways to insert praise or positive feedback. If they have a good idea, let them know. If you understand what is being said, say so. When they start to not make sense, gently ask them ‘I’ centered questions so as not to sound accusative. Instead of saying, “you are not making sense” how about “I am having trouble understanding”. Centering questions or comments around yourself instead of them will show that you are involved and interested.

Teen Involvement

Now that you are in this conversation and involved, let them be too. Allow their ideas some room to grow and mature with your guidance. After the initial shock of a seemingly outrageous request, hear them out. Are they really asking for an expensive gift, or the opportunity to earn it? Are they really looking to pry into your private life, or for answers to their own?

Never completely disregard what your teen is saying to you without some thought. Sometimes allowing their involvement will take some time. It is ok to tell them that you will think about what they have requested and revisit the conversation. Your teen is just trying to learn and understand the world around them. Allow them access to their best tool, you and your experiences, to set them up for success.

Curbing the Negative Side Effects of Teen Social Networking

Last updated on May 21, 2017 by TT Staff Leave a Comment

On average, 93% of American teens go online regularly; 80% of these teen internet users are involved in at least one social networking site. On the high end of the spectrum, 92% of web-savvy girls ages 14 to 17 are involved in social networking. With 93% of teenage social media users having Facebook accounts, we might as well talk about the potential dangers specifically relating to Facebook and how parents can help curb these dangers. In this article, we’ll focus on the potential dangers and typical parental responses.

The Teen Perspective

Once upon a time, when the internet was fairly novel and we were just getting the hang of it all, cyberspace seemed like a fantasy land, entirely disconnected from reality. Of course, from law suits and lost jobs to sexual predators and affairs, most adults have experienced or heard about some pretty real problems that have their genesis online. Judging from recent survey findings, some teens area still living in that fairy tale world, while others simply fail to consider the ramifications of their online activity or that of their “Friends.” Here are a few issues that cause concern:

• 55% of teens admitted to giving out personally identifiable information to people they don’t know.
• 29% of teens admitted that they have posted mean or embarrassing information or photos of others.
• 29% of teens say they’ve been contacted by or even stalked by someone they don’t know.
• 24% of teens have had embarrassing or private information about them made public without their consent.

Clearly, some parental guidance is needed in order to help teens avoid falling prey to dangerous or demeaning situations as well as to prevent them from victimizing others.

The Parental Response

Among many other interesting statistics about parents of teens on social networking sites, here are some of the most poignant:

• 88% of parents realize that their teens communicate online with people they don’t know in person.
• 61% of parents are primarily concerned with their teens sharing personal information online.
• 40% of parents worry about their teen’s safety due to social networking, even when they’re at home.
• 60% of adults think parents should have complete access to teens’ online activities.

When you consider the fact that most parents are far from ignorant of dangers, it’s a bit surprising that only 34% of parents check up on their children’s social networking. Maybe part of the reason is that their children have expressed their own perspective on such “spying”: 39% believe their online activities to be private, and a close 38% say they’d be offended if their parents utilized Facebook parental controls. An additional 25% say they’d be shocked or hurt to find out their parents were spying on them. On the flip side, 67% say that they can hide their online activities from parents, and 43% say they would change how they behave online if they knew their parents were watching.

What Technology Reveals About Today’s Teens, Part 1

Last updated on May 11, 2017 by TT Staff Leave a Comment

teen girl facebooking Today’s kids and teens are different than any generation of young people that have gone before them, right? Some sort of generational Narcissism may accompany any age group, but it seems especially prevalent today. At least to older generations. On that note, many have documented the widening generation gaps, citing technology as the driving force. Behind their high-tech M.O.’s, however, the Millennials are much the same as generations that have gone before them.

Needing Community

Sure, the concept of online social networking was virtually foreign to previous generations of teens, but the impetus behind it wasn’t. Long gone may be the days of neighbors visiting on front porches over lemonade, but how many of us became “grounded from the phone” for tying up the land line for too long, or making expensive long-distance calls to friends who’d moved away? Well, today’s teens don’t have those kinds of limits. With unlimited calling and texting plans, we have no practical need to limit their online activity — so many of us don’t.

Even among our memories of hours spent “shooting the breeze” with neighbors or chatting on the phone about the latest who’s-with-whom, we can look cross-eyed at Millennials whose thumbs are going 240 mph about nothing in particular. However, when we remember that like us, they were created in God’s image as social beings, we can have empathy with them. Perhaps they are addicted or obsessed in their relationship to technology or the self-esteem they gain from “likes” on their “selfies” or texts agreeing with their case against authority. In that case, they also need some guidance.

Needing Direction

Undoubtedly, teens need mature guidance regarding their online interactions. Once you show empathy with their motivations — for social interaction, affirmation, and more — you can begin to help them use the tools uniquely available to their generation of teens in responsible, productive ways. Regardless of technology’s part in the equation, it’s mainly a vehicle or outlet, expressing what’s already in your teenager’s heart. If she were born a decade or more earlier, her private thoughts may have been hidden away in a diary, under lock and key. Instead, they’re right out there on Facebook.

While she might need some guidance in reputation management and filtering, you can be thankful to see what flows from the abundance of her heart. If constant access means continual interaction with unedifying peers, perhaps you can make yourself available online, as well, and suggest wholesome websites and blogs to follow and online communities to join. You can also help your teen’s social development by imposing and encourage face-to-face times and technology-free activities to help your teen learn valuable social skills and the closer interactions that often come from them. But there’s an even more important need in the heart of your teen. We’ll discuss it in Part 2.