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Communication

Communication Overload

Last updated on June 10, 2017 by TT Staff Leave a Comment

Many teenagers today are excellent multi-taskers. They listen to music, do homework, and text all at once.

Picture a teenager nestled comfortably on the family couch. The parents have settled in to watch their nightly shows while he does his homework. The teenager has their personal laptop with social networking sites up and their cell phone going off all the time. This young person’s brain is on overload, trying to process the television, parents, homework, text messages, and computer all at once, and as a result, his homework (and thus his education) will likely suffer.

The Multi-tasking Teen

Many researchers believe that multi-tasking is not actually the performance of multiple tasks simultaneously, but rather the illusion that multiple tasks are taking place at the same time. The brain appears to be switching rapidly back and forth from one task to another, and as a result every task is being done at a slower pace than if each task was completed separately. The perceived speed of the tasks comes from jamming so many into one space of time.

Teenagers find this thrilling. The ability to hold several conversations while doing homework, listening to music, and baking cookies is remarkable. Their parents say they do not understand how their children do so many things at once, and the parents claim that they cannot accomplish the same tasks. This appeals to the teen’s competitive nature. Teenagers begin to believe that multi-tasking makes them special, important and productive. Sadly, multi-tasking could be harming their ability to appropriately develop through the teen years.

The Multi-Tasking Brain

The brain does not mature until after twenty-one years of age. Thus, teenagers who multi-task are technically doing so with an under-developed brain. The act of multi-tasking distributes actions throughout the brain and decreases their caliber. A comparable scenario would be if too many light bulbs connected to the same limited electrical supply. All of the bulbs will light up, but they will appear dimmer than if only one or two were receiving all the electricity.  Similarly, a teen may complete all of the tasks, but they will do so far less efficiently and probably less aptly than if they’d concentrated on one at a time.

Another drawback occurs after the fact. Recovering information received during a multi-tasking session will be more difficult than recovering information learned while intensely focusing on one particular subject. The young person mentioned at the beginning of this article, for example, will probably not remember his homework or his conversation with his parents very clearly because they happened at the same time with so many other interruptions.

In general, multi-tasking as a whole is probably not detrimental, but multi-tasking during something important (homework, driving, etc.) is definitely not advisable. A teenager of the 21st century is drawn to the fast-paced appeal of multi-tasking, so it may help for parents to set some guidelines.  Restrict teens’ access to social networking sites, especially during homework time, and ask them to turn their cell phone off or leave it in another room.  Your teen could perform better in school as a result.

Filed Under: Communication

What Technology Reveals About Today’s Teens, Part 2

Last updated on June 5, 2017 by TT Staff Leave a Comment

listening to musicIt’s pretty clear that like generations that have gone before them, today’s teens have a thirst for social interaction. They’re often using gadgets to fulfill that desire, but it’s insatiable (see Part 1). They can become addicted and are sometimes undiscriminating in what they post or text. They need guidance from mature mentors, to be sure. But there’s something they even more desperately need.

Needing God

The goal can’t be to “convert them” to the ways of previous generations or our own preferences, but to be part of their own world and utilize the resources God has given them in a set apart way. In a way that honors Him, leaves room for Him.

There’s something more important underneath all the constant texting and listening to playlists; sometimes misguided Facebook, Instagram, or YouTube posts or comments; and even eye-rolling or outbursts when tech-free time is imposed. Perhaps there’s a silence or loneliness your teen doesn’t want to feel. Questions they don’t want to face.

Only when thumbs are still and music is quiet can we hear God (Psalm 46:10). Only when we set aside all our manmade devices can we see His Creation (Psalm 19:1). And only when we stop to consider His greatness will we be drawn to praise Him (Psalm 77:12).

At that point, we will realize our need to make less of ourselves and more of Him (John 3:30) and even begin to understand devotion like that of John or Paul in the Bible, no less attempt to mimic it ourselves (Philippians. 1:21).

breakfast textingNeeding Privacy

On a positive note, research indicates that teens do report various types of purposeful online interactions. Each person’s experience with social networking is different, but most have had positive interactions and grown to feel closer to others through it. However, others have seen negative effects of posts or comments that they’ve made.

Unlike the seeming disconnect between online personas and real-life reputations that the pioneers of online socializing thought was there, many of today’s teens understand that their online behavior counts. As a result, though, many have learned how to hide information from some people, namely Mom and Dad. Some even have separate Facebook accounts for interacting with family versus friends.

When we have meaningful communication with our Lord, we won’t hide. Or need to. We’ll invite God into all corners of our world — online and otherwise — desiring His presence and evaluation (Psalm 139). That might not mean today’s teens want all their social interactions seen by Mom and Dad, just like you didn’t want your diary read, but still.

In the end, even our idyllic memories of shared lemonade on the front porch don’t measure up. When teens understand their deepest need and most gratifying relationship are met in God and Christ, they’ll be different from others in their generation (Romans 12:2). The thing is, so will we.

Filed Under: Addictions, Communication, Entertainment

Effectively Communicating With Your Teen

Last updated on May 31, 2017 by TT Staff Leave a Comment

girl with headphonesThe first step to having a healthy teenager is having a healthy relationship with your teenager. You, the parent, are their compass to how things work in the world. Several tools are at your disposal such as leading by example, active listening and asking your teen to be involved in decisions that involve them. Show your teen that they are important by saying they are and allowing them to have a voice. Fostering this type of relationship will hopefully bring smoother sailing in the teenage years and healthier relationships down the road.

Leading By Example

From the time children can comprehend the world around them they are watching their parents. They learn language and everyday tasks by imitation alone. Effective communication is no different. A teenager who sees constant arguing and strife between adults will learn accordingly. Showing your teen that talking calmly and working through hard issues with reason will allow them to use those tools. If a situation is becoming explosive, demonstrate self-control by taking a break and revisiting the conversation later. Teaching anger coping techniques to your teen is as easy as using them in your daily life. Explain to your teen later on what the purpose was behind your actions to give them some context as well.

Initiate conversations in a non-confrontational way with other adults and with your children. Refrain from cursing, crude jokes or sarcasm, and your child will as well. Open honest communication starts with you.

Active Listening

After initiating a conversation with your teen, listen to them. You may have an idea of how this conversation should go but that will get side tracked. Your teen is finally talking to you! Acknowledge their ideas and give them your full attention. Taking time out of the fuss and muss of everyday life is challenging, but this is your child. They actually want you to hear what they have to say.

While you are listening, look for ways to insert praise or positive feedback. If they have a good idea, let them know. If you understand what is being said, say so. When they start to not make sense, gently ask them ‘I’ centered questions so as not to sound accusative. Instead of saying, “you are not making sense” how about “I am having trouble understanding”. Centering questions or comments around yourself instead of them will show that you are involved and interested.

Teen Involvement

Now that you are in this conversation and involved, let them be too. Allow their ideas some room to grow and mature with your guidance. After the initial shock of a seemingly outrageous request, hear them out. Are they really asking for an expensive gift, or the opportunity to earn it? Are they really looking to pry into your private life, or for answers to their own?

Never completely disregard what your teen is saying to you without some thought. Sometimes allowing their involvement will take some time. It is ok to tell them that you will think about what they have requested and revisit the conversation. Your teen is just trying to learn and understand the world around them. Allow them access to their best tool, you and your experiences, to set them up for success.

Filed Under: Communication

Curbing the Negative Side Effects of Teen Social Networking

Last updated on May 21, 2017 by TT Staff Leave a Comment

teen social networking on phoneOn average, 93% of American teens go online regularly; 80% of these teen internet users are involved in at least one social networking site. On the high end of the spectrum, 92% of web-savvy girls ages 14 to 17 are involved in social networking. With 93% of teenage social media users having Facebook accounts, we might as well talk about the potential dangers specifically relating to Facebook and how parents can help curb these dangers. In this article, we’ll focus on the potential dangers and typical parental responses.

The Teen Perspective

Once upon a time, when the internet was fairly novel and we were just getting the hang of it all, cyberspace seemed like a fantasy land, entirely disconnected from reality. Of course, from law suits and lost jobs to sexual predators and affairs, most adults have experienced or heard about some pretty real problems that have their genesis online. Judging from recent survey findings, some teens area still living in that fairy tale world, while others simply fail to consider the ramifications of their online activity or that of their “Friends.” Here are a few issues that cause concern:

• 55% of teens admitted to giving out personally identifiable information to people they don’t know.
• 29% of teens admitted that they have posted mean or embarrassing information or photos of others.
• 29% of teens say they’ve been contacted by or even stalked by someone they don’t know.
• 24% of teens have had embarrassing or private information about them made public without their consent.

Clearly, some parental guidance is needed in order to help teens avoid falling prey to dangerous or demeaning situations as well as to prevent them from victimizing others.

girl browsing web on ipadThe Parental Response

Among many other interesting statistics about parents of teens on social networking sites, here are some of the most poignant:

• 88% of parents realize that their teens communicate online with people they don’t know in person.
• 61% of parents are primarily concerned with their teens sharing personal information online.
• 40% of parents worry about their teen’s safety due to social networking, even when they’re at home.
• 60% of adults think parents should have complete access to teens’ online activities.

When you consider the fact that most parents are far from ignorant of dangers, it’s a bit surprising that only 34% of parents check up on their children’s social networking. Maybe part of the reason is that their children have expressed their own perspective on such “spying”: 39% believe their online activities to be private, and a close 38% say they’d be offended if their parents utilized Facebook parental controls. An additional 25% say they’d be shocked or hurt to find out their parents were spying on them. On the flip side, 67% say that they can hide their online activities from parents, and 43% say they would change how they behave online if they knew their parents were watching.

Photo credits: Top © Andres Rodriguez / Fotolia. Bottom © listercz / Fotolia.

Filed Under: Communication

Teen Facebook Use

Last updated on May 11, 2017 by TT Staff Leave a Comment

Facebook is a great way to connect with friends, both old and new, and to see what is happening in the lives of others. You can stay in touch with distant relatives, old friends, and former classmates. However, despite Facebook’s benefits, it’s all too easy to fall into the traps of this social networking site.

Facebook is a place for everyone, especially young people, to express their individuality and uniqueness in a safe environment. It is important, though, for every user to represent themselves authentically. Teenagers, and all users, should say and act as they would in real life.

It is easy to get wrapped up in the anonymity and distance of the Internet. A simple rule to follow is to not post anything that you would not want your parents to see. As a teen on Facebook, be sure to only accept friend requests of people you know.

It’s also important that you never share your password with anyone. It may not seem like it, but friends come and go when you’re a teenager, and the people you trusted with your password yesterday could make it their mission to ruin your online reputation tomorrow. It’s therefore best to keep your private information… well, private.

Below are some more tips for keeping social networking a positive experience.

It’s okay to block bullies.

Bullies are everywhere online, and sometimes it can seem impossible to escape their negative attitudes. But instead of giving in to their demeaning presence, simply use Facebook’s handy features to report and/or block them. You can report behavior that violates Facebook’s terms of use completely confidentially, meaning no one will ever find out that it was you who reported the bully.

Finally, always tell an adult you trust about the messages, as well, because if the person continues to bully you, you may need this adult to step in.

Don’t let anonymity change you.

The internet has a strange way of changing people’s personalities. People that are normally kind and respectful can change into ruthless and arrogant posters as soon as they sit behind a computer. This is mostly because the internet creates a distance between people, making the impact of bullying less immediately obvious. However, it’s important to resist the urge to bully others while hiding behind your computer.

When posting, ask yourself first if the post will hurt someone or if it could eventually come back to haunt you. Your friends, classmates, and teachers may hear about it later, so be sure you feel confident in your post. Anything you post can be copied or shared with others, so avoid having to apologize to others by taking the time to think before you post.

Make time for real life, too.

Although it sounds silly, recent research has revealed that many Americans are addicted to Facebook. The social networking site helps people procrastinate on an assignments, chores, and homework, and excess Facebook use can also lead to depression, stress, and anxiety.

A recent study from the American Academy of Pediatrics shows that the more time an adolescent spends on social media, the more likely they are to develop symptoms of depression. Since Facebook gives a skewed view of the way things are, teens who rely on the site to give them their view of the world will come away with a very warped impression of the way the world works.

Facebook can also become a huge waste of time, which can prevent teens from developing hobbies. Also, if you spend all of your time online, how will you ever make friends in real life? Avoid letting Facebook take over your life, and limit the amount of time you spend on the site.

Surviving the teenage years can be extremely difficult, and if things have gotten out of control, there’s no shame in admitting that you need the help of an expert. The qualified staff at a Christian boarding school is an excellent resource for helping you and your family through the trying teenage years. Specializing in treating troubled and at-risk teens, these schools approach education with a balance of discipline and love, and their methods have helped countless teens transform into intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually healthy young adults.

Filed Under: Communication

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