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In the wake of news leaking out about Josh Duggar’s sexually deviant behavior as a teen, there has been a frenzy of angry and arrogant responses from liberals and tabloids, ministries and mommy bloggers, and just about everyone in between. With the many varying opinions about what should or shouldn’t have been his parents’ response to Josh’s admittedly “inexcusable” acts as a teen, one thing becomes clear: These issues aren’t cut and dried.

Without knowing the individuals personally or the details of nuanced conversations and counseling that occurred with Josh Duggar, many judgments are unfair, at best. At worst, many of them are rooted in falsehoods — falsehoods that can tempt the parent of any teen to lose heart. The first falsehood we’re going to look at is this one: “People Can’t Change for Good.”

This is, perhaps, the most flagrant and commonly held myths of our time — and it has emerged repeatedly in articles, blog posts, and discussions on social media relating to the Duggar scandal. Perhaps we can blame Freud and modern psychology, which claims absolute jurisdiction over the hearts and minds of all people.

While many claim that people can’t change and “sexual predators” require official and continual “treatment” by psychotherapists, God’s Word says something different: God’s Word is both necessary and sufficient in dealing with our naturally sinful, immoral hearts (2 Timothy 3:16-17). As we renew our minds with Scripture, God uses it to do more than “rehabilitate” us — He transforms us, from the inside, out (Romans 12:2)!

Because we can so easily be deceived (Jeremiah 17:9), God has given us others within the church body to instruct (or counsel) and rebuke (or admonish) us, to show us real life examples of Christian living, and to hold us accountable (Colossians 3:16, Titus 2:1-8, Hebrews 3:23-31).

If you need a case-in-point, the Apostle Paul is an obvious one. In 1 Timothy 1:15, he refers to himself as “the chief of sinners” — and he isn’t overstating the case. Before he came to Christ, he actually murdered Christians. (1 Timothy 1:15) Arguably the most influential human being in the early church, God clearly transformed this one-time enemy of Christ to one of His biggest supporters.

The truth is that we all started out as enemies of Christ (Romans 5:10) — but the good news of the gospel is that God can change our hearts when we turn to Him in repentant faith.

In fact, David is often referred to as “a man after God’s own heart” because of his willingness to repent after sins he committed even as a God-trusting adult. The sexual and violent acts he committed had some big-time consequences for both him and others — but they did not keep him from being fully restored to God and used greatly by Him.

Parents of imperfect teens, be encouraged: God can truly transform hearts and lives.

Continue reading

• Sobering Realities Amid the Josh Duggar Drama
• Confronting Falsehoods Surrounding the Josh Duggar Drama, Part 1
• Confronting Falsehoods Surrounding the Josh Duggar Drama, Part 2
• Confronting Falsehoods Surrounding the Josh Duggar Drama, Part 3

Image credits: Top © Arthur Hidden Photography/Fotolia; 2nd © Pressmaster/Fotolia

I’m not sure exactly what the Duggar family believes about our sinful nature, salvation, or their own parenting. Regardless of the mistakes they made in the wake of their son’s “inexcusable” acts toward his sisters and other young women in their home, the situation points to some sobering truths that should bring all parents to our knees, in humble prayers for mercy.

Reality #1: We can’t always protect our kids.

Many Christian leaders are speaking out against the dangers of sleepovers and encouraging family policies against them. Most cite the incidence of first-time sexual experiences as the number-one reason. I don’t know if the Duggars have had that policy for their kids, but even if they had, their family wouldn’t have been protected.

While it’s easy to point the finger at them and criticize their parenting, the truth is that none of us is a perfect parent. We all make mistakes, and even if we were perfect parents, our kids have their own sinful natures, from which we can’t protect them. We can make what we see as responsible choices, but ultimately, we need to trust the God of Heaven — who can redeem even the most hopeless-looking situations — to keep His promises and guide our kids.

Reality #2: None of our kids are above such sins.

I don’t know the Duggars’ exact beliefs about “the depravity of mankind” or our sin natures, but any of their kids is capable of the worst kinds of sins — just like yours and mine are. It’s a strange irony that the same world that seems to tar and feather Josh Duggar celebrates sexual freedom from almost everyone else. While what he did was truly sinful, none of us — or our kids — is good enough to earn God’s grace. We all stand deserving of judgment and in need of mercy. We can praise our great God for providing a way out from the worst consequences from our sin.

Reality #3: Sin always comes with consequences.

Even though Christ paid the price, and we do not need to suffer eternal punishment for our sin, there are still consequences on this earth. We do reap what we sow (Galatians 6:7). In addition, all human difficulty and suffering is in some way due to sin — whether it’s the initial sin in the Garden of Eden, our own sin, or the sins of others. “Sin” is the big answer to the question, “Why do bad things happen?”

But it’s also important to remember that with those consequences, God still offers us grace and forgiveness. Unlike the world that says “Repentance Isn’t Good Enough,” God’s law and His provision for forgiveness and restoration allows us to live free from guilt and shame, if we take Him at His Word. Like Psalm 19 says, His ways are truly best!

Amid these sobering truths, parents of teens can be encouraged because there is a God in Heaven who loves their kids even more than they do.

Continue reading

• Sobering Realities Amid the Josh Duggar Drama
• Confronting Falsehoods Surrounding the Josh Duggar Drama, Part 1
• Confronting Falsehoods Surrounding the Josh Duggar Drama, Part 2
• Confronting Falsehoods Surrounding the Josh Duggar Drama, Part 3

Image credits: Top © Konstantin Sutyagin/Fotolia; 2nd © Phase4Photography/Fotolia

In addition to the false ideas that “People Can’t Change” and “Repentance Isn’t Enough”, another societal error emerging from the muddy waters surrounding the Josh Duggar saga is that transparency is always a good thing. Regardless of what you think of the Duggars’ theology, parenting, lifestyle, or handling of the sexual abuse scandal within their family, we all realize that in some ways they opened themselves up to intense scrutiny by allowing TV cameras into their home.

Let’s face it: No tabloids are spending big money to try to rattle skeletons in the closets of no-name Christian homeschooling families. Regardless of what you think of reality TV in general, it’s part of an overall atmosphere celebrating transparency. As parents, we need to realize that this is based in another falsehood: “Transparency Is Always a Good Thing.”

Privacy Can Be a Good Thing

There is an important distinction between privacy and pretension, discretion and delusion. Proverbs 28:13 directly states that covering up one’s own sin creates further problems, broadening the scope of sin’s consequences. The Old Testament offers poignant examples — think about Cain, Achan, David. And the New Testament encourages confession within the church (James 5:16).

On the other hand, though, covering others’ offenses — or allowing them to remain private — can be a good thing (Proverbs 17:9, 1 Peter 4:8). We can’t shelter our kids from consequences or hold back from reporting illegal activities. And we certainly need to encourage confession and restitution to any others involved. We may also need to seek godly counsel (Proverbs 11:14).

Revealing secrets isn’t a characteristic anyone wants in a friend (Proverbs 11:13) or a spouse (Proverbs 31:11). And it’s not great in a parent, either. Most of the time, our teens’ failings need to be brought to the cross of Christ — and left there.

Trust Must Be Earned

Let’s face it: None of us trusts people equally. Even if there’s no reason to distrust them, some people will simply not be as close as others. George Washington offers this advice: “Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.”

As counselor Holly Stratton states it, “Public access decreases private value” and “the value of shared privacy directly correlates to how tightly confined that privacy remains.”

As parents, we have an opportunity to deepen our relationships with our teens by protecting their privacy. When matters need to be discussed with a wise mentor or counselor or brought to an authority, we need to do so. But we also need to be cautious — and caution our teens — about “hanging out our dirty laundry” for no good reason.

Parents, be encouraged: Unless you invite a reality TV crew into your home, you can keep some things private.

Continue reading

• Sobering Realities Amid the Josh Duggar Drama
• Confronting Falsehoods Surrounding the Josh Duggar Drama, Part 1
• Confronting Falsehoods Surrounding the Josh Duggar Drama, Part 2
• Confronting Falsehoods Surrounding the Josh Duggar Drama, Part 3

Image credits: Top © Andersen Ross/Blend Images LLC/Fotolia; 2nd © Anatoliy Samara/Fotolia

Second to the fallacy that “People Can’t Change for Good,” a lot of the rhetoric surrounding the Josh Duggar drama seems to resonate with the idea that “Repentance Isn’t Good Enough.”

Now, some who do believe that repentance is significant believe Josh Duggar’s public apology to fall short of reflecting all the elements of biblical repentance. I’m not even going to respond to that. Or the Duggars’ initial responses that cannot be redirected. Or intricacies of the laws regarding minors or statutes of limitations.

But there are plenty of others who are echoing the refrain that “Repentance Isn’t Good Enough,” and Scripture clearly disagrees with that!

What Repentance Includes

Second Chronicles 7:14 describes the basic elements of biblical repentance: humility, prayer, restored relationship, turning from sin, forgiveness and healing. When we accuse others of feigning humility or question their sincerity — especially when their behavior over a period of years has given us no reason to doubt it — we’re on pretty shaky ground. If we believe that people can change, there is a measure of grace we must extend to others — the same kind we want others to have toward us.

Regardless of whether you think Josh Duggar is or isn’t truly repentant, be careful how you discuss the issue, especially in front of your teen. And consider whether your parenting tendencies might color your judgments, or vice versa. For instance, do you always assume your teen to be dishonest? Do you see your own repeated sins as being more excusable? (Matthew 6:12, 7:12, 18)

To Whom Restoration Is Needed

The message of Scripture is clear: all sin is primarily against a holy God (Psalm 51:4). When we are rightly related to God, we will love others, too. We can find Old Testament commands (Proverbs 6:31) and New Testament examples (Luke 19:8) of restoring stolen goods. Of course, violent or sexual offenses are more difficult to handle.

Matthew 18:15 gives us all a responsibility to confront offensive behavior and make it public, if necessary. (If the law deems reporting necessary, then of course legal action should be taken as well.) Both Matthew 5 and 18 also describe a kind of “radical amputation” that someone truly broken over their sin will be willing to undergo. Removing themselves from situations of temptation and submitting to accountability are ways that they can sacrifice for the victims of their sin as well as help prevent them from hurting others in the future.

From what I’ve read, it seems that what many people in our society really want regarding the Josh Duggar situation is vengeance (Romans 12:19). They’ve been hurt by Christians and hate the hypocrisy they see. Perhaps they’ve been sexually abused but have not seen justice come to their perpetrators. A Christian pedophile in the public eye is an easy scapegoat for their anger, which desperately needs to be replaced with forgiveness (Matthew 18:21-35).

If your teen has sinned against others, be encouraged: Humble and sincere repentance is enough to restore them to God.

Continue reading

• Sobering Realities Amid the Josh Duggar Drama
• Confronting Falsehoods Surrounding the Josh Duggar Drama, Part 1
• Confronting Falsehoods Surrounding the Josh Duggar Drama, Part 2
• Confronting Falsehoods Surrounding the Josh Duggar Drama, Part 3

Image credits: Top © Monkey Business/Fotolia; 2nd © Monkey Business/Fotolia