The logic seems compelling – in favor of allowing underage drinking in private homes with parental supervision. After all, a thoughtful parent can recognize the signs of danger and respond if the drinking gets out of hand. And what safer environment is there, than your own home?
Conventional wisdom associated with permissive parenting says that if your teen is denied access, he or she will overindulge the minute there is access — and without any supervision. If anything, hosting a party in your home seems like the safest way to go. However, as smart as it might sound, it’s rooted in mythology, not reality.
Early Access Leads to Addiction
Did you know that a staggering 90% of addictions begin during the teenage years? Those numbers are true for both U.S. and European youth. Early access might logically seem to lead to more responsible drinking practices, but in reality, the opposite is true.
In fact, underage drinking and parental supply separately influence alcohol and drug dependence and abuse: Your teen is actually less at risk for addiction if they sneak away to get a drink than if you hand it to them, in your home. Those teens whose parents stick to their guns and refuse to allow them access to alcohol, while discouraging alcohol and drug use even after the legal drinking age, are most likely to be protected from the many adverse effects of alcohol.
Safe Underage Drinking Is Impossible
If you don’t believe me, take it from actress and bestselling author Melissa Gilbert: “There really is no safe way for teenagers and underage kids to drink alcohol. Parents – even well-intentioned parents – who allow kids to do so in their homes are under the false sense of security that it’s less dangerous. But there’s more harm than good in their actions.”
Now a spokesperson for the Partnership for Drug-Free Kids, Gilbert had her own negative experience with alcohol addiction.
In addition to the physical and life-long dangers to your kids, providing opportunities for underage drinking puts you at risk for legal consequences; while “social hosting” laws vary by state and can mean lawsuits and fines for parents who host.
Celebrating Without Alcohol Is Key
From New Year’s Eve to Prom to Graduation, parents have many opportunities to demonstrate responsible, alcohol-free celebrations. Just because you shouldn’t host an underage drinking party doesn’t mean you shouldn’t entertain your teen’s friends!
Teaching your teen to plan a party, coordinate décor and activities around a theme, and even order or prepare favorite foods and non-alcoholic beverages can be an exciting exercise in promoting responsible choices. Between alcohol and technology, teens often lack imagination about how to entertain themselves and actually interact with one another socially. You can easily find ideas for party games and themes like glow parties online.
Image credits: Top © Dangubic/Fotolia; 2nd © yanlev/Fotolia
Instead of keeping parents from addressing modesty with teens (see 
Heart Attitude Is Significant
As parents, we can thank God for opportunities to see when our children’s hearts need counsel; at the same time, we cannot assume that we know exactly what the heart problem is. For instance, people who dress in sensually revealing ways may be indicating their sexual desire, or they may simply be motivated by a desire to fit in, look attractive, or get the attention they crave.
Many parents of teens become quite fond of the phrase “choose your battles.” For a growing number of parents, the battles they choose may include fighting for sexual purity while letting blatant immodesty slide. First, we’ll take some time to evaluate common reasons for not addressing it; in 
In a world where we’re already so tempted to obsess about our appearance, adding the concern of modesty understandably causes some parents to fear that they’d be teaching their daughters to feel ashamed of their bodies or struggle even more with obsessing over how they look and what they wear. From eating disorders to “
While the first two reasons for neglecting the topic of modesty do have some validity, this last one is clearly tied to a fear of man and problem priorities (Proverbs 29:25, Colossians 3:23). While Scripture teaches the general principle of sowing and reaping, we can’t obey God’s Word only when we think it will go well, nor can we teach our kids only the parts we think they’ll be likely to accept; in fact, to do so presents the opposite problem of the Pharisees (Deuteronomy12:32).
Teens have different needs than younger children, so parenting them means making some transitions. In addition to offering explanations for how you’ve made decisions (
Something as simple as your daughter’s wanting to stay up all night to complete a project or study for a test can provide an opportunity for guidance. You might ask her about the potential negative consequences from lack of sleep, considering her responsibilities the next day. After helping her assess the situation, you allow her to make her choice.
Constructive feedback has the goal of helping your teen make better choices in the future. Since the aim is increased confidence and self-sufficiency, there is no place for name-calling or derogatory language. This is not punishment for a poor choice, but a sort of modeling of self-analysis. Unless major risks to safety or illegal or immoral behavior have been an issue, this time should be focused positive discussion in which you don’t lecture your teen, but ask questions to guide him or her in evaluating the outcome of his or her choices.
As you transition (read 
From finances to health, relationships to education, your teen will likely be surprised at how carefully you’ve made decisions — even ones that he or she dislikes. You need not plan formal times for explanation, but having an agenda with things to mention, as opportunities arise, can be helpful. You certainly don’t have to reveal the details of your salary or bank account, but helping your teen understand how to make financial choices requires some detail.
Perhaps as your teen thinks through the situation, he or she will suggest a different route than what you took. Try not to be insulted: This kind of problem-solving discourse is an important aspect of your teen’s development. If their conclusions are different from yours, but their logic is good, let them know. Of course, if there are important things they’ve failed to consider, you’ll want to mention that, as well. It’s not about their having to agree with you, but about their learning how to think through scenarios that are somewhat theoretical. This is a safe way for them to learn how to make their own decisions.