Promoted

Natural consequences aren’t easy, but who said parenting was supposed to be easy? Having a one-size-fits-all consequence doesn’t achieve the same effect as natural consequences can. Teens don’t need someone to bail them out of the problems they’ve caused themselves; they need to feel the heat.

Financial Missteps

Maybe your teen gets a certain amount of money per month to pay for school lunches. And
they lost it. Or spent it all on junk food the first week. Will it be more effective to ground them for a weekend and give them only weekly allotments from then on, or to require them to figure out a way to earn money for the rest of the month and then expect them to make the next month’s allotment last?

Enduring the natural consequences from such a minor financial mistake will be far less damaging than accruing mounds of credit card debt. The experience will probably be more memorable than a typical punishment, and hopefully it will be remembered in the future. It may seem cruel now, but it’s actually gracious to allow our teens to face the consequence of poor choices, right now.

Academic Failure

Instead of pleading with your child’s teacher to allow for a re-test or extension on a project, why not let them fail? I know, I know, it would be embarrassing for them to get kicked off the team or have to repeat the class. Or miss out on honors or the opportunity for a scholarship. But what will they learn if you bail them out?

Taking a step back even further, instead of nagging your child about studying or working on a project, you can remind them of the consequences of failure: being kicked off sports teams, grounded until grades get back up, etc.

But if your teen knows you’ll intervene and find a way for them to make it up, they’re actually learning the opposite of what you want — and what will motivate them to work hard in the future. Let them fail, and they’ll learn to take ownership for their actions.

Interpersonal Problems

There’s definitely a time when parents need to step in here, but I’m afraid we usually step in too soon, or too often. If others don’t want to include our kids in social activities because of their unkind, selfish, or just plain strange behavior, we need to explain how friendships work. But if they don’t treat others well and have to endure the consequences of not getting invited or included, that’s just how it goes.

As adults, you won’t be able to force others to like your kids, so why not start now by helping them realize the way people operate. Sometimes peers are insensitive or just plain mean, but that’s life, too. You can help your teen learn how to make new friends and treat them well instead of looking to certain kids for approval.

As you try to keep yourself from reaching in and rescuing your kids from hardship, just remember the kind of self-confidence and discipline they’ll reap later on.

Sometimes, teens who are gifted in particular areas never consider pursuing vocational ministry, while other times, those with such a desire are discouraged from doing so. Often, even those who are encouraged on their way to serving God in this unique way have flawed expectations that cause frustration or even abandonment of this good work (1 Timothy 3:1). Regardless of whether you’re in vocational ministry yourself, if you’re a follower of Christ, you possess the resources needed to biblically counsel a teen regarding this topic.

It Is Good

As Paul points out to Timothy, desiring vocational ministry — and pastoral ministry, in particular — is a good thing. That certainly doesn’t mean all other career paths are evil, but it’s a shame for a believer who has a desire to focus his or her life toward church or parachurch ministry to be unnecessarily diverted from fulfilling that desire. Various reasons some might try to dissuade a young person from pursuing such a path may have to do with concern for his or her financial security or spiritual immaturity. The qualifications of a pastor or elder include the concepts of not being a “novice” or “greedy,” so those issues certainly need to be addressed; at the same time, dealing with those weaknesses can be part of sanctification.

Another reason some young people are seen as unfit for some ministries has to do with moral failures. While many argue that the phrase “husband of one wife” precludes a divorcee from being an elder, there are still other ministry outlets available to those with all kinds of backgrounds. In fact, in some ways, they are more equipped to minister in various situations.

It Is Imperfect

Sometimes young people pursue vocational ministry with a star-studded view of what it will look like. They expect to be lauded by other believers and appreciated by those they serve. As one pastor points out, they can also have seemingly reasonable expectations about salary that can go unmet in our difficult economy and spiritually receding world. Even a cursory reading of the Gospels or Pauline Epistles clearly reveals that even the likes of Paul or Christ Himself were not appreciated or paid well. Expectations go both ways, of course. Many people make unrealistically high or particular assumptions about those in vocational ministry, and those can be difficult for mere mortals to encounter.

It Is Less Important

Many who have attended Bible colleges or seminaries know fellow classmates who have not only pursued non-ministry careers after completing their training but who now fail to serve the Lord in any capacity. Perhaps these individuals have been disillusioned by ministry or have lacked the support and mentorship needed to be able to endure difficulties. Some may simply be unable to find a suitable position.

The point is not where you get your pay check, but where your heart and priorities lie. For those with ministry training, it seems that God expects more, not less, service (Luke 12:48). Faithfulness and devotion are heart issues, and they’re far more important to Him than a 40-hour-a-week commitment will ever be.

No, we’re not talking about your fishing abilities, here. First Peter 5:7 instructs us to cast our cares on our Savior. After all, He cares far more about us and our kids than we ever could. To some extent, this kind of casting takes practice, and everyone has to figure out what helps them. But here are a few hands-on activities that can help you take concrete steps toward casting those cares a little further from your mind.

Start a Worry Box

Especially if you’re a visual or kinesthetic learner, physically writing down your worries and placing them in a box can be a helpful exercise. Pray over them, asking God to handle the situation that’s beyond your control anyway. He already knows that you’ve been struggling, but tell Him anyway. He likes to hear us share our hearts. Then tell yourself — and God — that once you “cast” those cares into the box, you’re done thinking about them. If you start to go there again, physically take the paper out of the box, pray over it, and place it back in the box, again, asking God to help you leave it there.

Replace Concerns with Praises

Philippians 3-4 gives us insight into the Apostle Paul’s method of achieving contentment during situations that tempted him to be anxious and discontent, and it started with praising God! Sometimes we can unintentionally pray over our anxieties in a way that allows them to gain even more control over our thoughts. What if, for every difficult situation we brought before the Lord, we found at least three things for which to thank or praise Him?

Instead of cementing the difficulties in our minds, we can write down the good things—the things that fit within the boundaries of Philippians 4:8 — and even make a point to tell others about those things, instead of just our frustrations. We can make them visible, as well, by writing them on a chalk board or posting them on the refrigerator — whatever it takes to keep the positive things at the forefront of our minds.

Get Intense About Good Stuff

So many times, the white space of our minds easily fills up with our anxieties or frustrations because we’re not intensely focusing on something else, something better. Of course, when we’re going through a particularly difficult season, mental discipline can be difficult, no matter what else we’re doing. But when we go beyond merely trying to distract ourselves and actually put our mental and physical energy toward something good like studying God’s Word, starting a service project, or creatively expressing ourselves in worship through music, visual art, or other methods, we’re being intentional about casting our cares and funneling that anxious energy into something that benefits others and glorifies our God. In that, we’re saying that He deserves our worship and service even in the midst of our trial.

It’s that pesky S-word. But before you start thinking I’m using foul language, the S-word to which I’m referring is sleep. Yes, sleep is something Americans are snubbing these days, starting with our tweens and teens. As Christian parents, we have even more motivation than our secular counterparts to make sure our kids are getting enough sleep, but it starts with some hard data from the medical community.

Science

It’s pretty easy to tell if a toddler hasn’t had the recommended 12 to 14 hours of sleep, but just because a child is old enough to exercise a measure of self-control doesn’t mean sleep deprivation is not an issue. According to the Mayo Clinic, school-aged kids still need between 10 and 11 hours of sleep, while adults can get by with a tad less — 7 to 9 hours. Since teens aren’t directly addressed by those categories, we can look to the Sleep Foundation and see that the recommendation for teenagers is 9.25 hours (although some might be fine with as little as 8.5 hours). Fewer than 2 out of every ten teens get 8.5 hours of sleep on school nights, and fewer yet get the recommended 9.25 hours.

Seriousness

The devastating effects of overstimulation and sleep deprivation among teens is getting attention in documentaries like Race to Nowhere and books like It’s Your Kid, Not a Gerbil: Creating a Happier & Less Stressed Home. While overtired adults may be able to think less coherently and work less effectively, teens are more likely to deal with long-term emotional effects like anxiety and depression. Angry outbursts, memory lapses, and illnesses can also be traced back to lack of sleep. Add to that the tendency toward caffeine addiction and substance abuse, and not getting enough sleep becomes a serious problem indeed.

Sabbath

It seems that God truly had our “frame” (Psalm 103:14) or biological constitution in view when He instituted the principle of Sabbath or rest all the way back in Genesis (2:2). Of course, we don’t want to be legalistic about this gift that God created for us, as Christ Himself pointed out (Mark 2:27). Most of the time, though, our teens aren’t forgoing needed rest to pull the proverbial ox out of a ditch; they’re simply becoming adrenaline junkies, running from activity to activity until they’re ready to crash. Once they finally get home, they still have homework to do, and then they stay up texting and gaming and doing other unnecessary activities online.

Suggestions

We are stewards of our bodies and need to treat them well (1 Corinthians 3:16). As parents, we need to guide our teens in making cautious choices. If we overschedule our teens and fail to set needed boundaries on electronics or “screen time,” we’re discouraging their good health and ability to learn and work well and behave properly and with good judgment. By contrast, when we teach them to set limits and take time for all our responsibilities, including rest, we’ll be helping them make wise choices that will help them past these teenage years and into adulthood.