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Behavior & Emotions

Keys to Preventing Underage Drinking

Last updated on May 21, 2017 by TT Staff Leave a Comment

With all the bad news about underage drinking, some good news is refreshing: The minimum legal drinking age (MLDA) of 21 seems to greatly reduce alcohol consumption both among underage youths and among adults of legal age. More action is needed, however, in order to further reduce the instances of underage drinking and their related consequences both for individuals and for society at large.

Why are alcohol control laws even necessary?

Included in the large body of evidence documenting its effectiveness, increasing the MLDA to age 21 MLDA has caused alcohol-related motor vehicle accidents among underage youths to decrease by an average of 16 percent. The Task Force on Community Preventive Services encourages reduction of alcohol sales to minors through even greater enforcement of laws that prohibit it.

Another recommendation includes increasing alcohol excise taxes and decreasing alcohol outlet density in the form of liquor licenses. Yet another proposed recommendation is to reduce the exposure of underage young people to alcohol marketing. The Surgeon General and Institute of Medicine approve such strategies and continue to research and evaluate was to increase their effectiveness. The reason for promoting such policies is clear: The states with greater alcohol control have reduced rates of adult and college binge drinking.

How important is it to have the community’s support for alcohol control?

Despite the risks involved in underage drinking and the laws in place to help reduce them, many adults contribute to the problem instead of being part of the solution. Many ignore the problem altogether, while others refrain from confronting other adults who serve alcohol to teens.

Certain sub-cultures seem to produce more underage drinking than society in general, and team sports are one such sub-culture group. Overall, teen athletes drink more often and consume more on each occasion than their nonathletic peers. As younger athletes try to fit in with their older teammates, the average age at which teens first start drinking has fallen from age 17 in 1965 to age 14 today, yet few adults are willing to confront the problem.

From parents to coaches, many adults see teen drinking as “none of their business,” but this type of attitude sends kids a mixed message. Underage drinking will continue to plague our society as long as all the adults in American communities fail to make it their business.

How important is it to have parental support for alcohol control?

Some parents actually provide alcohol for their teens and their kids’ friends; in fact, more than ¼ of underage drinkers obtain alcohol from family members, and 1/10 access alcohol from their parents’ liquor stash. Even those parents who say they’d never enable underage drinking often choose to ignore the empty bottles found after teen parties.

While many parents may think it’s a losing battle, Penn State research suggests otherwise: Parents can influence their teenagers to change how they think and behave regarding alcohol. What’s more, research suggests that changing teens’ attitudes can be as easy as sitting down for a simple conversation. So talk to your teens about the dangers of alcohol. Studies indicate that these conversations result in a 30 percent reduction in underage drinking. The “Parent Handbook for Talking to Teens About Alcohol” produced by Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) can be a helpful tool in guiding your discussion.

Even if you talk to your teens about alcohol abuse, statistically speaking, it’s highly probable that your teen could still experiment with alcohol. Although this type of behavior should not be excused or encouraged, it is nothing to be alarmed about, as teenagers are known for their rebellious (and occasionally poorly-thought-out) behavior. If your teen’s alcohol use has gotten out of control, however, or if they have begun engaging in other types of risky, illegal, defiant, or self-destructive behavior, then it could be time for you to seek help from an outside source.

Filed Under: Addictions, Behavior & Emotions

The Truth of Consequences

Last updated on May 19, 2017 by TT Staff Leave a Comment

teen regretting actionThe issue of juvenile justice is a hot topic presently, and one that seems to constantly be re-evaluated in the courts. Regardless of whether you believe those under age 18 should face potential sentencing of life in prison or even a death sentence for violent crimes, the fact remains: A person’s actions come with consequences, regardless of the person’s age. Teens performing immature pranks, without the intention of any harm, have severely hurt and even killed themselves, friends, and innocent passersby.

One instance of a prank-gone-wrong involved concealing a stop sign. When an 85-year-old woman missed the stop, she was killed by a vehicle coming through the intersection. The culprits may have been guilty of some good clean fun, but still, they faced charges of involuntary manslaughter.

The attorney of one of the teens responsible made this statement: “all tragedies are not always a crime.” I realize this lawyer’s job is to defend his client, but that statement makes me cringe. Why? The technicalities of the law and distinction between being tried as a juvenile versus being tried as an adult are somewhat of a moot point, when it comes to the parenting issues at hand. Teens need to be taught that their choices have consequences — for both themselves and others.

For teens, the concept of realizing the far-reaching impact of seemingly minor decisions can be difficult. Part of this is due to the prefrontal cortex, a part of the brain that is still forming. While the body of a teenager may closely resemble that of an adult, teens are not yet biologically or physiologically mature. Certainly, an immature prefrontal cortex may pair with lack of life experience to curb a teen’s ability to fully comprehend the long-term effects of choices.

handcuffed teenWhen you add to this physiological issue current societal trends, careful parenting becomes even more necessary. It seems that every irresponsible or deviant behavior has its own acronym or prognosis these days. Teens can easily shrug off any of their own misbehaviors as disorders, releasing them from personal responsibility. Regardless of whether they can get a doctor’s note, prescription, or juvenile sentencing, they need to understand that their actions can have serious, life-altering repercussions. No diagnosis will bring their victims back to life, and no doctor can remove the guilt they’ll feel if they injure others through their behavior.

Teaching teens about the importance of their choices takes creativity and commitment, but it can be done. Visits to prisons and viewing videos of victims can be helpful. Another key aspect of training young people to become responsible is to let them experience the natural consequences and repercussions of their poor choices. To risk cliché, even if hitting the baseball through the window was an accident, make them apologize and pay for repairs. Even if they didn’t mean to hurt someone’s feelings with their words, help them understand how they’re still responsible for how they come across — and sincerely apologize for the hurt they caused.

Photo credits: Top © Kwest / Fotolia. Bottom © Sascha Burkard / Fotolia.

Filed Under: Behavior & Emotions

A Lesson From “The Biggest Loser”

Last updated on May 12, 2017 by TT Staff Leave a Comment

father with daughter in fieldMany parents wish their teens would make changes, but even when teens try, failure is often the result. The popular reality show “The Biggest Loser” really sends an important message home — one that transcends the fitness focus of the show: If your family is truly on board with the changes you’re making, you’re in a far better position to achieve your goals than if your family is not. The principle rings true regardless of a person’s goals, demonstrating how important a good support system truly is.

Companionship

Consider the stark contrast between the wife who happily revamps the living room, replacing recliners for exercise equipment, and the one who refuses to stop stocking the kitchen cabinets with junk food. Perhaps the contestant’s family can handle the temptation of readily accessible potato chips and would be motivated to go out of their way to work out. But only one family provides the kind of support and companionship on the journey that helps set up the contestant for weight loss success. For your teen, perhaps the goals are school-related or savings-based. Maybe the need is simply to become more self-disciplined or to forgo a bad habit. Family members can adopt the same goals or parallel ones and track successes or even run contests as each person attains new goals.

Accountability

In addition to the social aspect of a support system, it can provide much-needed motivation through accountability. If family members aren’t on board with a teen’s goals or lifestyle changes, they’ll be unlikely to provide the kind of external motivation those lacking the inner drive may need. Let’s face it: If your teen knows you don’t really value their successes, they probably won’t respond well to negative remarks. Accountability is different from nagging or discouragement, though, just like truly constructive criticism is distinct from harsh negativity. Again, sharing your own goals or running a parallel race will give you the ideal setup to provide the kind of accountability that lends itself to productive change.

mother with daughter on couchSolidarity

It’s important that your teen knows your motivation for providing support is based in solidarity — that you’re for them, not just for changing them. Sometimes the most driven parents can send the wrong message, so expressing your love, even when achievement isn’t as high as you had hoped, is as important as providing support. The idea is to help your teen achieve his or her potential and feel that rewarding sense of accomplishment — not to make him or her into someone else, especially another version of yourself.

As you provide affirmation of your solidarity in addition to accountability and companionship, you’ll set your teen up for success in whatever changes he or she is attempting to make.

Photo credits: Top © kouptsova / Fotolia. Bottom © Iakov Filimonov / Fotolia.

Filed Under: Behavior & Emotions

What Not to Do When Christian Teens Rebel

Last updated on May 5, 2017 by TT Staff Leave a Comment

teen parent argumentThere are a lot of principles of Scripture showing us and telling us how loving parents respond when their children rebel. You can read many of them here. When parents are confronted with teen rebellion, though, there are typical knee-jerk responses that can do far more harm than good.

Before you do anything, make sure you’re not doing these. If you are, stop. Repent and ask God to help you change. The same God that can rescue your teen from rebellion and draw her heart to Him can help you deal with this trial in your own life, too.

Don’t Bow to “Fight or Flight” Tendencies

You probably know your own go-to: Is it to run away from or fight your way through problems? If it’s the former, you’re ready to kick your own flesh and blood to the curb — or at least emotionally disconnect from her. If it’s the former, you may be tempted to be in her face, arguing your case and insisting on compliance. Neither is likely to be productive.

boxingIf you think of your teen in a relational way instead of as a problem, you’ll be less likely to act in haste and cause irreparable damage to your relationship. More importantly, the greatest example of a Father never leaves His children, as we see in Hebrews 13:5. And He tells us not to make enemies of ours (Ephesians 6:4).

Don’t Throw in the Towel

When you feel like you’re failing, it’s easy to just give up. After all, if you’re not trying anymore, you can’t fail, can you? I love the phrase “relentless parenting” in the Focus on the Family article series linked here.

Often, parents will remove rules in order to “keep the peace.” While perhaps some restraints are inappropriate for a maturing teen and need to be re-evaluated, removing all restrictions is not a sign of love. It’s easier to let them “do their own thing” than to show them the kind of love God shows us (Hebrews 12:7; Proverbs 13:24; Revelations 3:19).

Don’t Blame Yourself

mom daughter argumentAre you imperfect? Sure. Are you inconsistent, at times? Of course. Are you to blame? No. Your teenager is a free moral agent, meaning that she is responsible for her own choices (Proverbs 20:11).

As much as all parents wish there was something we could do to ensure our children’s positive outcome, there is not. When we fail, we need to repent and then trust God to forgive us. The Enemy of our faith (and our families!) would love for us to wallow in defeat and let our past mistakes keep us from going forward.

As we avoid these negative patterns of thought and behavior, we’ll be better able to guide our troubled teens in avoiding them as well. If it’s a struggle, we can even express that struggle to them, prayerfully hoping God will use our own struggles to help our teens have victory over theirs.

Filed Under: Behavior & Emotions

When Leaders Falter and Fall: Guiding Your Teen Through Disappointment & Disillusionment (Part 2)

Last updated on April 28, 2017 by TT Staff Leave a Comment

consolationIn part 1 of this series, we discussed three profitable places on which to help your teen focus his or her attention during times of disappointment and disillusionment with Christian leaders. Perhaps the leader who’s faltering is you as a parent or another family member. Regardless of the sin or struggle, the situation that threatens to “rock your son or daughter’s world” can be a faith-building experience instead. God can use anything for His glory, and this potentially devastating situation is no exception to that rule.

Expect Failure and Disappointment

When we realize that even those upheld as positive examples in Scripture were quite imperfect, we should not be surprised. We’re all sinners, made from dirt, needing Christ’s blood to wash away our sins. Once we repent and acknowledge our need for salvation, we still sin. And we will continue to do so until the day we die.

father son chatOne of the results of that sin is that we all disappoint others. We all suffer as a result of not only Adam’s sin (also called “Original Sin” by theologians) and our own sin, but other humans’ sin, as well. That is our lot in life, as humans, and if we know our Bibles, it should come as no surprise (Romans 3:23).

Value Repentance over Perfection

Instead of expecting perfection, God allows us to be close to Him when we repent and humble ourselves before Him (Psalm 34:18). In fact, that’s precisely what separates a man like David from other sinners — many of whom stopped short of committing the “big sins” that he did (Psalm 51).

It’s not our lack of sin, but our response to our own sin, that determines our usefulness to the Lord. When others sin against us or disappoint us by their sin, we do well to adopt God’s values and forgive easily, offering the kind of grace that God lovingly offers us.

Resolve To Become a Worthy Leader

teen girl with bibleInstead of getting frustrated with others, whom we cannot control, we can commit to honoring God with our own lives. Of course, we will all make mistakes, so part of that commitment is to own up to our sins regularly.

The song “Where Is a Gideon” by Mac Lynch embraces the journey which God desires for disappointed teens to make as they channel their frustration into resolve to live for God:

This is a day when idols are worshiped; Even God’s people are trapped in their snares. Good men have fallen; Standards have shaken. Where is the answer? Who even cares?
Where is the man who gives up ambitions? Worldy desires are all set aside. Where is a man, though lonely be service, satisfied only in Him to abide?
Where is a Gideon? Where is a man? Who’ll be a leader and follow God’s plan? Where is God’s champion? Who’ll be the one to stand like Gideon? I’ll be that man.

Filed Under: Behavior & Emotions

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