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Behavior & Emotions

When Leaders Falter and Fall: Guiding Your Teen Through Disappointment & Disillusionment (Part 1)

Last updated on April 21, 2017 by TT Staff Leave a Comment

pastorWhen did it happen for you? You probably remember that moment when you found out your Sunday school teacher struggled with bitterness, your pastor had to resign due to infidelity, or a deacon in your church had committed fraud at his workplace. These people had been your heroes of the faith — right up there with David and Paul and Jesus. All you had believed to be true about God and Christianity now hung in the balance. And if these incredible servants of God couldn’t be faithful to His Word, how could you possibly hope to meet His expectations? You felt like the solid ground on which you’d stood had turned to mud, and you were sinking. Fast.

Now your own son or daughter is experiencing some of the same feelings, due to someone else’s sin. How do you respond? Here are some faith-building suggestions of where to encourage your teen’s focus.

Know Your God and His Word

Most people’s experiences with churches and Christian leadership does color their view of Christianity and God. While that fact should provide extra motivation for those of us involved in shaping such viewpoints, ultimately, it’s through God’s Word that each individual should shape his or her convictions about our Heavenly Father.

sunday schoolPerhaps a study of God’s names or character would be especially helpful at this time. What Do I Know About My God by Mardi Collier is an excellent resource.

Focus on God, Not His Servants

Even the best of God’s people are imperfect. Just like Peter started floundering in the water when he took his eyes off Christ, we set ourselves up for instability and frustration when we look to people instead of to God. Psalm 62:2 mentions God alone as the rock on which we can rely; Isaiah 6 begins by contrasting the mortality of even good human leaders with God’s holiness and eternality.

When we rely too much on people and too little on God, we are practicing a form of idolatry. Not only does this offend our great God, but it also puts us in a position to be disappointed. That’s just one of the ideas prevalent in the book “When People are Big and God Is Small” by Edward T. Welch.

Take an Honest Look at Scripture

bible readingWhile we may argue that we don’t expect our flesh-and-blood examples of Christianity to be perfect, we often compare them to the heroes of the Bible. As we do so, we often look at the individuals recorded in God’s Word with our rose-colored glasses on. David was a man after God’s own heart, and yet he committed adultery, deceived many, and essentially committed murder to cover up his sin. The apostle Paul did much to harm the cause of Christ before he contributed positively to it.

Other examples abound, as well: consider Moses, Abraham, Jacob, Peter, and just about every other patriarch and church leader. Of course, Jesus Christ shines brightly as the only perfect example that has ever walked this earth. We need to take an honest look at individuals in the Bible and realize that they, like us, are human, and we both can fall at any moment.

Continue reading with Part 2.

Filed Under: Behavior & Emotions

Parents: Build Your Teen’s Self-Esteem

Last updated on April 14, 2017 by TT Staff Leave a Comment

mom comforting daughterMerriam-Webster defines self-esteem as: “a sense of personal worth and ability that is fundamental to an individual’s identity.”

Self-esteem greatly develops as a teenager. It builds their character and defines who they are. As a teen grows into adulthood, positivity and self-respect is needed for a teen to gain self- esteem. Many teenagers with lower self-esteem are influenced to make poor decisions that impact their health, mental state, and achievements.

As a parent, take an active role in your teenager’s self-esteem. Support your teen with love and respect. Be sure your teen knows that they are cared for by their parents. If you are worried about your teenager’s self-esteem, look to the following tips.

Communicate. Communication is key to every relationship. By keeping open communication channels with your teenager, you build a positive relationship. Your teenager will be more willingly to come to you for advice if they know you are open to discussing their concerns.

Avoid negativity. Negativity is extremely hurtful. Focus on what your teenager has done correctly. In a gentle manner, tell them what they can improve on. Be sure to recognize the good they are doing as you critique the bad.

Give encouragement. Help your teen set goals. Whether it is to do well on an upcoming exam in school or to participate in extra-curricular activities, always support them in what they want to do. Encourage your teenager to chase their dreams and do what they truly want to do in life.

sad teen boyUnderstand their needs. Your teenager has different goals for their life than you do. Even if you disagree with their needs, continue to understand. Teach your teen about other possibilities as you work with them to achieve their wants.

Get involved. If your teenager wants to go out for the baseball team, help them by playing catch in the backyard. Whatever they want to do, help them achieve that goal. Listening and encouraging them is always helpful. Take an active role in helping your teen be more involved and active.

Exercise together. Physical activity helps to increase a teenager’s self- esteem. Join a gym or intramural league together. Encourage your teenager to exercise regularly to promote a healthy lifestyle.

Be a supporter. Support your teenager’s decisions as they decide what they want to do in life. As long as their decisions are healthy and safe, support them and let them know how much you care.

Listen. Always offer a free ear for your teenager to share their feelings. Respectfully listen and offer encouragement.

Photo credits: Top © Galina Barskaya / Fotolia. Bottom © Heide Hibbard / Fotolia.

Filed Under: Behavior & Emotions

Discussing Depression and Suicide with Your Teen, Part 2

Last updated on April 11, 2017 by TT Staff Leave a Comment

help meHopefully, I’ve at least convinced you (see Part 1) to discuss these hard topics with your teen. Now what? What should you say? Before you change your mind or flippantly speak your mind, make sure to keep your audience and your main purpose in view: Your child is at risk for the same kind of tragic death, both by being human and by being a teen. This sobering reality should help you carefully shape your end of the conversation. Beyond that, here are a few principles to consider.

You Don’t Have All the Answers

Not only did you (probably) not know Robin Williams personally, but you don’t know exactly what goes on with depression — or in the mind of a person who takes his or her own life. No one fully does.

depressedSure, we know there can be physical issues that can cause feelings of depression. As Bible-believers, we also know that our hearts are deceptive, and focusing on self and difficult circumstances can cause dark and hopeless thoughts and feelings. Anecdotally, we all realize that some people have a greater natural propensity toward melancholy moods. Where one contributing factor ends and another begins is something none of us can measure.

There Is Always Another Option

Whether or not you think you agree with other points of his hotly debated blog post, these words from Matt Walsh are certainly worth considering, in regards your teen: “To act like death by suicide is exactly analogous to death by malaria or heart failure is to steal hope from the suicidal person. We think we are comforting him, but in fact we are convincing him that he is powerless.”

reassuranceThis is especially significant if your teen has already been labeled (or has self-identified) as being “depressed” or “suicidal.” Make sure your teen knows that there is always hope, always an alternative. People in severe depression often feel as if there is no other option, so it’s incredibly important to remind them in times of clear thinking that there is always another choice.

Struggles and Temptations Shouldn’t Cause Shame

There’s a careful balance to try to maintain between encouraging right thinking and offering encouragement and accepting people — especially our own kids — problems and all. We need to especially make sure our kids know they can be open about all kinds of struggles and temptations — both to us and to others.

Requiring people to keep these kinds of struggles secret can be devastating and should not be allowed to be part of the culture of our families or churches. Without such openness, a person (especially a person who feels isolated by depression) can easily think they’re the only one who has felt or thought in such a way, and they can easily think there’s no hope (1 Corinthians 10:13).

There’s certainly more to dealing with depression and suicidal tendencies than having conversations, but it’s a good place to start.

Filed Under: Behavior & Emotions, Communication

Imperfect Parents Parenting Imperfect Teenagers

Last updated on April 11, 2017 by TT Staff Leave a Comment

parenting isn't easyOf course, there are problems with trying to be your teenager’s friend, instead of his or her parent and authority. However, there can also be problems when we (try to) put ourselves up on too much of a pedestal, making ourselves too distant, and coming across as adversaries instead of allies. Let’s take our cue from Jesus Christ, who let us know that He was tempted, too (Hebrews 4:15).

The Value of Humility

In addition to following Christ’s example, letting our teens know we struggle with temptation takes humility. And God values that trait (Psalm 75:1, Isaiah 66:2, Matthew 5:5). Let’s face it, the main reason we don’t want to admit to our kids that we even struggle with sin — no less fail in the fight, at times — is pride. And that’s another sin to add to our list.

Especially when we sin against our kids, we need to confess to them as well as to our Father, who forgives us even though He never sins against us. We might argue that to admit our own sin to our kids is to show weakness. That is true, and it is beautiful: In our weakness, God is glorified. We’re all just clay pots, parents or not.

carpenters assistantThe Value of Camaraderie

No one likes to feel like they’re alone, and that fact might be heightened for adolescents who feel especially uncomfortable in a changing body and with a mind developing to enable them to think more analytically and spiritually. They might not be willing or able to express their own sin struggles, but they can still benefit from hearing others talking through temptations and hearing ways others have personally been able to see victory over those struggles.

Particularly within the same family, people often tend to struggle with the same propensities, so this kind of sharing can be especially helpful. When your teen realizes you’re an ally who’s also engaged in spiritual warfare rather than a dignitary with no battle experience, you’ll stand to gain a closer connection than you could any other way.

honest talkThe Value of Honesty

In addition to closeness, your openness about your own struggles will also earn you greater respect. Perhaps that’s exactly what you’re worried about losing in being honest about your weaknesses and failures. But teens have an uncanny radar for a lack of genuineness and a particular disdain for hypocrisy. Even if you wish you had more victories than defeats, your honesty will go a long way toward building a real relationship with your teen, who realized you weren’t perfect a while ago, anyway.

It’s high time we all stopped pretending — and making our kids feel like they need to pretend, too — or be seen for complete failures. The truth is that we all struggle and fail at times. But that’s where God’s grace comes in.

Filed Under: Behavior & Emotions, Family

Books Every Teen Should Read

Last updated on April 7, 2017 by TT Staff Leave a Comment

Reading can be a wonderful escape from the real world. Many teenagers look to books and literature to teach them life lessons as they mature into young adult. The following books are best sellers that demonstrate different life perspectives.

To Kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee

Through the eyes of a young girl named Scout, readers exhibit the issues of racism and stereotyping in the deep South in the 1940’s. Scout tells a heartwarming story of how to accept everyone for who they are. The story demonstrates how it takes courage to stand up to bullies and to be a voice for those in need.

Always Looking Up: The Adventures of an Incurable Optimist by Michael J. Fox

As a well- known celebrity with Parkinson’s disease, Michal J. Fox takes readers through his struggles and triumphs as he lives with the disease. He demonstrates how important it is to find a cure for Parkinson’s disease and how no matter the situation, there is always an optimistic view.

The Perks of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

Written in the form of letters to an anonymous friend, Charlie is a high school student trying to find his place in the world. He describes himself as shy and awkward. Charlie tells his readers about experiencing all high school has to offer and making the most out of every day.

A Child Called “It”: One Child’s Courage to Survive by Dave Pelzer

Filled with horrific stories of being forced to drink ammonia, having his arm burned on a gas stove, and his mother stabbing him in the stomach; Dave Peeler takes readers through his life as an abused child. The memoir demonstrates to the readers how abusive individuals can be as it shows Dave Peeler’s courage and strength to continue to live his life.

Romeo and Juliet by Shakespeare

While a classic love story about two teenagers, Romeo and Juliet teaches universal themes of love, honor, family rivalries, duty, and destiny. A tragic story set in the 17th century, the message and themes are relatable to teens in the 21st century.

Lord of the Flies by William Golding

After their plane crashes on a desert island, a group of English boys are left to survive for themselves. The classic novel is a commentary on how the group reacts with one another and how they fight to survive.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey

Told through the eyes of a schizophrenic American Indian named “Chief” Bromden, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest depicts how people cope with being institutionalized. It teaches readers to think twice about their actions.

Photo credits: Top © Samuel Borges / Fotolia. Middle © Maridav / Fotolia. Bottom © CandyBox Images / Fotolia.

Filed Under: Behavior & Emotions

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